Madonna Is Making A Very Angelina Jolie-esque Movie

Maybe I’m just starting some shit, but for two chicks who seem to have nothing in common, Madonna and Angelina Jolie sure know how to rip pages from the same playbook. Both quietly amassed their own child army, both have the posture of a Dementor, and both sure as hell like to make brutally depressing violent movies. Somehow Madonna cajoled a studio to let her get behind the camera again because she’s about to make her third movie. Sadly, it doesn’t involve running around looking for someone named Susan.

Deadline says MGM picked Madge to direct Taking Flight, a movie about Michaela DePrince, an orphan from Sierra Leone who eventually became a world-famous ballerina. Michaela’s father was gunned down and killed during a civil war in the country when she was only three. Her mother died of fever a week later. She had three brothers who also died, and her uncle sent her to live in an orphanage. If you’re wondering why I’m giving you all this depressing info, don’t worry: IT GETS BETTER!

A huge American family adopted her (she was the eighth of 11 kids, and nine of those were adopted) and encouraged her to pursue ballet after seeing her talents. She eventually graduated from the American Ballet Theatre, debuted at age 17 at a ballet in South Africa, appeared in Beyoncé’s Lemonade (her most important accomplishment, duh), and is now a soloist at the Dutch National Ballet. She co-wrote a memoir with her adoptive mother that was  published in 2014. Madonna will use her memoirs as material for the film. Madonna, of course, said in a statement that she sees a little of herself in Michaela:

“Michaela’s journey resonated with me deeply as both an artist and an activist who understands adversity. We have a unique opportunity to shed light on Sierra Leone and let Michaela be the voice for all the orphaned children she grew up beside. I am honored to bring her story to life.”

Madge hasn’t done anything since W.E., that movie about Wallis Simpson that basically gets read to filth each time The Crown portrays Wallis and the king she seduced. Call me crazy, but I am a little tired of her behind-the-camera antics. When did the Damsel of Detroit suddenly get so camera shy?? People may talk about how high-def may have changed the way we see movies, but the real jolt to cinema has been how Madge doesn’t crank out three Razzy-worthy flicks a year like she used to!