Great news for people who love Instagramming their avocado toast, but are afraid to actually eat it because of calories! The avocado has officially jumped the shark. A company in Spain has invented a diet avocado that has 30% less fat than a standard slime sack.
According to Grub Street:
Made by Eurobanan’s Isla Bonita brand, the so-called Avocado Light is described as having a “mild” flavor and “juicier” pulp, and also ripening fast yet oxidizing — i.e., turning that disgusting shade of gray — much more slowly.
Barf. I mean I don’t like avocados anyway but isn’t their fattiness the whole point? And a healthy fat at that. Otherwise isn’t it just an ugly pear? The company says the fancy diet fruit is “ideal for the preparation of smoothies, cold soup, gazpachos, cocktails” meaning it probably has no discernible flavor so you can just go ahead and puree the shit out of it and still be able to use the buzzword “avo” on your hipster menu items. Just don’t put it on toast because it will probably make it soggy.
Avocados have always been disgusting to me, they are like phlegm colored coagulated mayonnaise balls served in a deflated basketball wedge. Unpopular opinion but there you have it. Maybe it’s because my mom always kept a nasty avocado pit with toothpicks sticking out of it on the windowsill (I think there was a Berkeley ordinance requiring this of all residents). We lived in an apartment so I don’t know where she was planning on putting the thing. She never put new water in the glass so it would just dry up and collect dust until the next avocado sacrifice was made.
Those of you weirdos drooling over the possibility of getting your skinny taste-loving hands on the diet avocado are just going to have to wait or book a ticket to Spain. It’s going to launch officially at a Madrid trade show later this month, and will only be sold in Spain, for now. Sorry but it’s full fat cadaver fruit served on the half-shell or GTFO for Americans, at least for the time being.